My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
