just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
