the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
