you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
