Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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