How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Randomize
