Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Never underestimate the power of titties
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
