obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
