New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
