I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
