i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
