Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
