I showed him my bush... on skype.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
