is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
