Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
