just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
