wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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