someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
