so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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