theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
50% drunk capacity currently
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
