I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
