I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
