in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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