should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
