I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
