Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
