No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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