someone threw a dead crab at me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
