Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
