His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
