One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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