i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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