last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
