Can Purell be used as lube?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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