Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
