I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
