How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
