Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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