How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
