fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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