Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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