remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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