All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
