Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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