Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
