M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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