I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
