What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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