Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
