he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
