This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
