no, he came in my armpit
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
