I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
